An 8mm swivel socket. Who knew that such a small object could determine the outcome of this journey, the make or break point. It’s been almost a month now since that time, when everything that could go wrong went wrong and yet also went right at the same time. But if it weren’t for this 8mm swivel socket with a 1/4″ drive I probably wouldn’t be writing this today from the very middle of the US.

When you start a journey, you need to make sure you are prepared for absolutely anything. You never know when a bend in the road may bring you to unexpected conflict, danger, or even death. I am an optimist so it’s hard for me to think of all unforeseen roadblocks because I generally think, if it was meant to be, it will happen and there is nothing to worry about. Although there were times in this journey where the unforeseen or unthinkable took place and it was hard for me to keep up my optimism. There is only so much a person can do sometimes…

Even though I thought I was prepared, I clearly wasn’t. I had no idea if or how my vehicle could be fixed, I just believed that it would be if it was meant to be. I had no idea if the money I had saved would be enough to sustain me, I just believed that it would be. I had no idea if the amount I had set aside to pay off my debt would be accepted or not, I just believed that it had to be, it was substantial enough. I had no idea if I would make it through this alive, I just believed I would because if I can even get going I must be meant to be on this journey for a reason, and why would go through all the trouble if I was only meant to expire during the course?

With my unprepared preparedness somehow because of Sears being the only carrier of an 8mm swivel socket with a 1/4″ drive on a hot Saturday afternoon in late June and we were able to catch this early enough before the bolt was stripped to nothing my vehicle miraculously made the journey through Reno, the Great Salt Lakes, and through the beautiful city of Denver.

What I didn’t know yet was getting to my destination, as bumpy, close-quartered, and sleep deprived as it was, was the easiest part of this beginning. Living in a new place, with a different culture of people, a different way of life, a different climate, somewhat different way of speaking, was like being even more of a “stranger in a strange land” than I already was. Always an outsider in my ways, but always a friend in shared experiences.

When taking on an open-ended journey, you have to be adaptable to change, to compromise, to the give and take that life will require of you, that relationships will require of you. My problem is sometimes I tend to give too much with no regard for my own self or safety. Communication is key. If you are looking to form ties, to build strong bonds, or to cultivate a partner, communication is always key. I can deal with almost everything, maybe even the unexpected. But I’m not sure how to deal with a partner in pain who cannot find the words to communicate, who says they are not in pain, but whose actions prove otherwise. I’ve come up against this problem before…many years ago, when the unexpected became a nightmare. I know this is not the same, but in that respect I always feel I have failed. That it was somehow my fault that I didn’t try harder, or remain stronger, or stop what I never knew would happen.

I don’t like to think about it much, or talk about it, the fear that comes with knowing that I escaped…tried to disappear as much as possible so I would never be found. But there is always that chance…in any journey there is always a risk of running into the wrong people, but there is always a reason. Maybe it’s to help you become stronger or more resilient, maybe it’s to teach you something, maybe it’s so you can help others. Maybe it’s so you can value the life you have and give of yourself more than you would have.

In this journey I hope to be the best I can be. I may not be prepared for everything, but there is a reason I am here. If I can live differently through the rough patches and not lose sight of the light, then maybe I can make the pain in my partners eyes a little less.

I am thankful for small blessings…